…if “tract” has nothing to do with land or farming,

…if you know when Nisan 14 of the Jewish calendar lands in the Gregorian calendar from year to year, and yet you commonly forget your own birthday,

…if “Memorial Day” isn’t in May,

…if you spent days at a baseball stadium, never saw a ball, and didn’t even have a beer,

…if you wash windows or cars for a living and still own five suits,

…if you think nothing of letting your friends stop by to use the bathroom,

…if you know the cleanliness of every coffee shop for miles around,

…if you think 2-door vehicles aren’t really cars,

…if you go to the hardware store, go down the aisle where doors are displayed and you feel compelled to knock on them,

…if you can’t buy a pair of shoes without thinking about how comfortable they will need to be while walking residential streets in 95°F (35°C) heat,

…if you have a tendency to refer to books by color instead of by title,

…if you have a shelf just for 192-page books,

…if you can’t pick up a book, or anything else to read, without picking up a pencil or highlighter too,
…if you think it is complimentary to refer to someone as “a study,”

…if you have “get-togethers” rather than “parties,”

…if, after one of such “get-togethers” at your home, your house is not a mess and you have more food than when you started,

…if all your lapels have badge holes,

…if you have 12 servants, but you do your own cooking and cleaning,

…if you stay in a hotel 200 miles from home, and know all the other guests,

…if you shave on Saturday mornings,

…if every play you’ve ever seen has actors with fake beards,

…if you’re more afraid of the dentist than of speaking in public,

…if you get up early on January 1st,

…if “remnant” doesn’t remind you of carpet,

…“RV” doesn’t make you think of a motor home,

…“street work” doesn’t remind you of construction,

…“Witness” doesn’t make you think of court, and

…“circuit” never reminds you of electricity.

And finally:
You might be one of Jehovah’s Witnesses if…
…you realize things are getting worse, and you’re thrilled!